One and only moments

We had a great trip to Gatlinburg for our 40th anniversary. It was very quiet and relaxing, a few "one and only moments."(:-) We had picture perfect weather, and had no "agenda." We spent a lot of time reflecting on the past "40 glorious years"!! I don't believe there is much either one of us would change if we had the opportunity. I am so thankful for God's blessings in our lives. I have been reading in Joshua about the direct relationship between obedience and blessing. I know that obedience is the most direct path to God's favor, but I am so thankful that He is merciful enough to minister to our needs, and sometimes our wants, in spite of our disobedience. I would like to think that I have been an obedient daughter, but in fact, I have not been many times. God wants our relationship to Him to be reflected in our relationships to each other. In light of that I would like to share the following.

One of my favorite places to visit is the ocean. Every summer we get together at Holden Beach, N.C. with my mother's family for a week. We have been doing this since I was a young child. I always look forward to this trip as a time of refreshing and renewal. It is a time for personal reflection and renewing family ties. In rereading Anne Morrow Lindberg's Gift from the Sea, I found some nuggets about relationships that I would like to share.

"Strangers smile at you on the beach, come up and offer you a shell, for no reason, lightly, and then go by and leave you alone again. Nothing is demanded of you in payment, no social rite expected, no tie established. It is a gift, freely offered, freely taken, in mutual trust. People smile at you here, like children, sure that you will not rebuff them, that you will smile back. And you do, because you know it will involve nothing. The smile, the act, the relationship is hung in space, in the immediacy and purity of the present; suspended on the still point of here and now; balanced there, on a shaft of air, like a seagull.

The pure relationship, how beautiful it is! How easily it is damaged, or weighed down with irrelevancies--not even irrelevancies, just life itself, the accumulations of life and of time. For the first part of every relationship is pure, whether it be with friend, or lover, husband or child, It is pure, simple and unencumbered. It is like the artist's vision before he has to discipline it into form, or like the flower of love before it has ripened to the firm but heavy fruit of responsibility. Every relationship seems simple at its start...It is free of ties or claims, unburdened by responsibilities, by worry about the future or debts to the past." But it swiftly changes, especially the marriage relationship. "The changing pattern is shown up most clearly because it is the deepest one and the most arduous to maintain; because, somehow, we mistakenly feel that failure to maintain its exact original pattern is tragedy."

"The original relationship is very beautiful...but transformation is natural and part of the process of life and its evolution. The early ecstatic stage of a relationship cannot continue always at the same pitch of intensity. It moves to another phase of growth which one should not dread, but welcome...There is also a dead weight accumulation, a coating of false values, habits, and burdens which blights life. It is this smothering coat that needs constantly to be stripped off, in life, as well as in relationships." As we are drawn into more functional roles, man's vs. woman's, we long for that earlier relationship. However, we can never find our true identity ( and build a lasting relationship) until we go "into one's own ground and know oneself...One must loose one's life to find it...Only a refound person can refind a personal relationship...

We all wish to be loved alone," but the cares of this world and the realities of life prevent this from becoming a reality. So instead we must settle for "one and only moments" where we create "moments of together-aloneness that are valid, but not permanent. One comes in the end to realize that there is no permanent pure-relationship and there should not be...The pure relationship is limited, in space and time. In its essence it implies exclusion. It excludes the rest of life, other relationships, other sides of personality, other responsibilities, other possibilities in the future. It excludes growth...but life must go on." We can recreate brief "together-alone experiences which are both refreshing and rewarding, but we should not expect a permanent return, only refreshment. "All living relationships are in process of change, of expansion and must perpetually be building themselves new forms."

There is MUCH MORE wisdom about relationships in this little book. I wish I had read it EARLY in my marriage instead of later. This is not only about marriage relationships, but friendships too. I think it was no accident that I have read this again at this particular time in my life when it is often difficult for me to reflect God. It has made me realize that I should not expect perfection from earthly relationships, that change IS imminent and good, and the ONLY lasting relationships are built on a foundation of "losing one's life."
Matt. 10: 39He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. 40He that receiveth you receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me.