Reality

I am sad, even angry sometimes about the possibility of my life being cut short. There are things I long to experience (my grandchildren growing up, for one) that I may never have the opportunity to experience now, faced with the reality of my disease. I keep searching for a reason, some sense of purpose in all of this. I do not understand the why and how of it all, but I do trust the hand of my omnipotent father who has a purpose for everything that comes into our lives.

Elizabeth Elliot writes, “Suffering gives us occasion to examine ourselves, adjust our priorities, reset our sights, and confess our sins. It is a discipline, administered by a loving heavenly Father who ‘lays the rod on every son whom he acknowledges…Discipline, no doubt, is never pleasant; at the time it seems painful, but in the end it yields for those who have been trained by it the peaceful harvest of an honest life (Heb. 12:6,8.11).’

Paul writes about his trouble in Asia, ‘this was meant to teach us not to place reliance on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead (2 Cor. 1:8-9).’ Suffering is meant for the correction of the sufferer himself. Did the great apostle need correction? Of course he did. He was tempted like the rest of us to place reliance on himself.

Suffering is also meant to help somebody else. Like all gifts, the gift of suffering is not for ourselves alone, but for the sake of the body of Christ. ‘Indeed, it is for your sake that all things are ordered, so that, as the abounding grace of God is shared by more and more, the greater may be the chorus of thanksgiving that ascends to the glory of God’ ( Cor. 4:15).”

The reality is that there is very little that can be done for my tumor. It is not curable, medically. But whatever time I have, gives more opportunity for an effective treatment to be discovered. Reality is that God is willing and able to heal this thing completely. I do not understand why He has not done it, but I do not need to. When the time is right, I will receive my healing, in this life or the next. Until then, I choose to glorify God.

I pray that my “suffering” is not for nothing. That in the end, whether the end of my suffering, or the end of my life that I have indeed adjusted my priorities, reset my sights and confessed my sin, that I may glorify God in my mortal body!